


Patrol Reports

by ravenousravishing



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Comedy, Distraction Makeouts, F/M, Just A Hint Of Plot, Makingout To Hide You're Snooping, One Shot, Self-Indulgent, Short & Saucy, Short One Shot, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 00:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21498898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenousravishing/pseuds/ravenousravishing
Summary: Seraph-9 creates a distraction when she and Cayde-6 are found snooping through Vanguard files after hours.
Relationships: Cayde-6/Female Guardian (Destiny), Cayde-6/Guardian (Destiny), Cayde-6/Seraph-9 (Original Character)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	Patrol Reports

“Offices always stress me,” Cayde-6 says, leaning a hip against the console. “Gimme the heebie jeebies.”  
Seraph-9 snaps her fingers next to his face, glancing away from the holokeys at her hands.  
“You’re hall monitor,” she says, “act like it.” Seraph taps through file branches on the screen before her, the screen’s light shining off both of the both of them in the dim room.  
“Molly-May’s got the door— don’t ya’, honey?” Cayde says over his shoulder, looking over to Sundance.  
Sundance chirps and twirls her shell at the hallway door, attention focused on the corridor.  
Cayde’s optics curve at the deadpan snort Seraph gives him. He leans over her shoulder to get a better look at the screen as Seraph works. “Hey, tell ya’ what.” Cayde says, looking at her focused, golden optics. “You teach me that-” his imitation of her noise is choked with static- “and I’ll teach you to whistle.”  
Seraph’s eyes brighten, flicking to Cayde for a second before she hunkers her shoulders and swipes through files faster.  
“That sigil— it look like this?” Seraph asks, tapping open a file.  
The image expands into focus on the holoscreen; its edges are pixelated, details blurred. Cayde comes closer, squinting against the screen’s brightness.  
It’s been cropped from a larger picture. Front and center of the snippet is tattered fabric that hangs loosely from a rocky outcropping. Its thoroughly torn through and weather beaten, but Cayde can see the remains of a painted symbol on it.  
The symbol is a little geometric for his tastes, with spiky turns and sharp edges. Cayde considers it, humming.  
“I don’t like how familiar this thing is,” Cayde rubs his chin, “since I’ve got ‘notta clue where it’s from. Or whom.”  
He lets go of Seraph’s shoulder- does a double take of her shoulder, his hand- and reaches for the keyboard.  
“We’ve gotta look deeper,” Cayde ignores Seraph’s purely mechanical annoyed chirp, “what we want isn’t gonna be laying out willy nilly.”  
They are quiet as Cayde rifles through more of the computer, searching down files from the same date- or range, at least- as the picture.  
“Look’it that,” Seraph says blandly as Cayde finds a series of priority tagged sound files from the same day.  
All named with mysterious strings of numbers.  
Cayde perks up, tapping the first file open. “Well, what’ve we-”  
“Good news!” Sundance says as she twirls into place between them. “We’ve got company!”  
Seraph and Cayde look to each other as the sound of approaching bootsteps echoes down the hallway outside.  
Seraph groans and slaps one palm to the desktop and the other to her face. “What happened to ‘got him moving and jiving for a solid hour’, Cayde?”  
Cayde tries to smile, saying “Guess I didn’t pick one with the right moves.”  
The air glimmers and shifts at Seraph’s shoulder as her ghost appears, eye bright.  
“Copy the files?” Pip asks.  
“Copy the files.” Seraph says.  
“We could be honest,” Sundance says as she swings between them, “you could even ask politely.”  
Cayde taps her shell, making her bob gently. “I’m crazy ‘bout you, not generally crazy.”  
“Well, get crazy,” Seraph says as she steps back against the desk and hooks a leg behind Cayde’s knee.  
Cayde opens his mouth to quip something smart and sharp; his jaw snaps shut with a clunk as Seraph tugs him close and holds his hips gently.  
“This’s new.” Cayde manages.  
“Pretend it isn’t.” Seraph whispers.  
They meet in the middle, Cayde leaning into Seraph’s kiss. A crackle of Light tingles up Cayde’s jaw as he sighs, Seraph hooking her other leg around him too.  
He isn’t shy in kissing Seraph again. Their metal mouths find a friction that lights up their sensors. A spark flickers at the corner of Seraph’s mouth as Cayde presses close.  
A phantom feeling follows Cayde into the next kiss as he grips Seraph’s thigh and pulls her up and onto the console. It’s the feeling of mouth against flesh, the taste of warmth and a pulse under his touch.  
Seraph doesn’t taste like warmth with a heady pulse; instead it’s the sharp tang of spark and the snap-crackle of the Light she keeps charging him up with, a new trick for Cayde.  
Cayde doesn’t conceal his moan as Seraph wraps her legs around him and presses herself close, shamelessly grinding against him.  
She’s got a hand on his neck, pulling him fully against her. Cayde has no qualms about running his hands up Seraph’s sides and up to cradle her jaw. Seraph holds Cayde close as she kisses him slow-  
Someone clears their throat.  
-both of them melting into it. Seraph’s breath hitches as Cayde finds his grip on her hips and sets what he considers a conservative and polite rhythm.  
Cayde’s breath is gone in an instant when Seraph leaves a flurry of kisses down his neck, each one replaced with a dull bite. He is in the stratosphere at her touch, desperate to get her mouth on his and feel the snap of her Light-  
Someone clears their throat.  
-and the warmth under her armor. His own feels like dead weight on him, holding him back from properly pulling himself up onto the console beside Seraph— who has discovered his belt buckle, which is gone now, and Cayde’s head is light as he pulls at the clasp of her cape-  
Someone clears their throat, and they had better be dying.  
Cayde breaks away from Seraph’s kiss— his legs go weak at her whine- and looks over at their intruder.  
Their blue intruder.  
Their heavily armored, blue intruder.  
Ah. Yeah. Zavala’s computer. That’s right.  
Zavala is silent as Seraph abruptly stops her delicious, illegal hips and makes a good show of an embarrassed scramble off the console. Cayde’s hands fly to his belt as he steps back, optics wide and jaw slack.  
“It is unfortunate,” Zavala begins slowly, “that I have no surprise in finding you defacing my desk.” His voice is so tired. So, so tired.  
“Wh- this is your desk?” Cayde jumps back, hand to his mouth. “We- we got so caught up in the moment!”  
“Patrol reports,” Seraph says behind Cayde, “nothing like them.”

**Author's Note:**

> [throws confetti] i cannot wait to write the sad content
> 
> edit: i woke up in a cold sweat realizing there was nothing in this to make sure the audience knows this isnt heterosexual, so please imagine there's a "they both bi" disclaimer at the end of each sentence.


End file.
